Envy – we all know it’s not a good thing but how many times does it gnaw at our happiness? In my case, envy seems to be my main obstacle to being happy. Here I am, about to go on an adventure of a lifetime, and I can still manage to feel sorry for myself. How pathetic and unreasonable is that?
I have let envy make decisions for me and isolate people. Envy helped me decide to isolate a friend who could get dates when I couldn’t, especially with one guy in particular. Envy kept me from going to a friend’s wedding to celebrate her happiness with her new husband. Envy kept me from reaching out to that same friend for a long time because I didn’t want her to be married and happy. We were kindred spirits and that to me meant she shouldn’t have anything I didn’t. Envy. And to what end? I damaged both of those relationships that used to bring me such happiness. I am luckily still friends with those girls but our friendships will never be the same.
Envy really contributes to my depression. Although, I know and accept that my kind of depression is a physiological thing and not just emotional, there are things that I do that contribute to it. Along with taking better care of my relationships, I need to keep my envious thoughts and actions in check. And unfortunately, I know if it went unchecked, it could destroy almost all the relationships I hold dear. BUT, I refuse to let that big bad Envy ruin any of the precious relationships I have in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment